I had an entirely different post written and almost ready to publish. But the Spirit guided me to write about this, which is a sign to me that someone is reading this that needs what I have to say.

This beautiful video came into my heart unexpectedly and sank deep into my heart. I hope it will to yours too. Hope, peace, joy. That’s what we’re all seeking every minute of the day. And we’re taught that the gospel of Jesus Christ brings those things. If we have faith, repent, be baptized, receive the Holy Ghost and endure to the end we should be the happiest people on earth, right?

This is a question I wrestled with my whole mission. This was the time that I was the MOST celestial I would probably ever be on this earth. I had devoted all of my life, time, money, and energy to Him. I had cut out all worldly influences and gave it all to Him. I was walking and biking and knocking doors in suffocating heat and kneeling and pleading and planning. WHY then, am I not happy? WHY am I feeling such deep despair, anxiety, panic, and fear. WHY isn’t the Gospel working??

Maybe you feel this way today. Maybe it seems that the harder you try the harder it gets. Maybe you’ve been pleading and searching for answers to life’s most difficult questions. Or maybe just the continuous monotony of life is becoming exhausting. Here’s what I have to tell you-

Only the greatest souls have the courage to wait with faith for their rainbow. 

Sometimes God asks us to sit in the refiners fire in order to PURIFY and SANCTIFY us. Thinking this way doesn’t necessarily make suffering any easier, but it does give purpose to our pain. On my mission, it was only when I noticed the changes in my attitudes toward other people, empathy for their struggles, and sincerity in my teaching that I realized, God isn’t punishing me, He is purifying me. 

How much pain it must give our Father to see us suffer, to not intervene and save us from pain. But how wise and knowing He is to give us the privilege of suffering just a tiny fraction of what His Son suffered so that we may be purified, sanctified, and exalted on high after this life. Yes, I said privilege. 

The pain of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks is excruciating. I have writhed in physical pain and pleaded in mental anguish for Him to take it from me. He didn’t; He couldn’t. I don’t wish He had.

But always, always, He brings relief when I can’t do it anymore. He sends me a person, I thought, the calming presence of the Spirit. He sends me an angel, just as Jesus Christ was given an angel to strengthen Him in the Garden of Gethsemane. And afterward, He gives me vision of what I’m becoming through my trials, because of my trials. And I see my rainbow.

He will send one to you too. I promise.

So today if you are in the thick of a storm, please wait for your rainbow. Stand still; don’t make any rash decisions. Review your past journals and scripture markings of times when you were full of faith. Recall the spiritual experiences that have served as guideposts to you. Even if you can’t feel the Savior, trust that He is there. He will not let you fall, and He “will not suffer you to be tempted [or in great pain] above that ye are able.”

Keep waiting for your rainbow.

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